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| To live in a movie |
Reporter: What is your biggest dream in
life?
Director: To live my life in a movie.
Scene 2:
Close up; The director sitting in a chair, narrating [on personal
relationships]:
Director: Well, it’s hard to know where to
begin. There are so many unfinished acts in my life I wouldn’t know which one
to choose, which one to follow up on, which one to finish. I am always amazed at people who get to do
few things in parallel, all seemingly successfully and still have time for a
hobby or a family. For me, just doing groceries and organizing a small get
together in the same day seems to be a challenge. But I think some of it has to
do with my social illiteracy. Not having the right alphabet to relate to people
or establish a meaningful relationship with anyone. Take my last 4 dates.
Complete disasters. By the 3rd one, I almost called in sick, except
I was afraid she may ask for a doctor’s note.
Scene 3: The
director and a girl in a coffee shop; director’s voice-over is narrating the
event while the camera frames him and the woman sitting at the table:
Director: I remember Claudia, a very bright
Mexican exchange student who was here to do part of her Master’s degree in
architecture. I saw her over at my friend’s birthday party and we seemed to hit
it off. So I called her up a couple of days later to see if she wants to meet
up for a cup of coffee and a movie and she said yes. I remember I was very excited;
she was very bright and genuinely seemed to enjoy having a conversation with
me. Things, though, were very different in a one on one setting. I was very
worried about not having anything to talk about and what do you know, I had
nothing to talk about. Forty minutes into our date she faked a headache and
left. I didn’t even know women bothered to fake headaches while having coffee
but I guess there is a first for everything.
Scene 4: Close
up. The director sitting in a chair talking reflectively:
I am sick. I really am. Maybe I should get
that doctor’s note just in case I chicken out the last minute before I go out
to meet her. I mean think about it, the whole thing is just like an interview:
Have you had a similar experience in your previous relationship? What makes you
a good companion? Where do you see this relationship in two years? I am already
thinking this can’t lead to a promotion. And I’ll probably get a call saying: “thank
you for your interest in me, unfortunately, at present I do not believe you
could be successful in this position. I do, however, keep your number in file
in case my circumstances change at which point I expect you to be ready to take
your place in my heart as soon as possible”. What a tragedy that is.
Scene 5: The
director being interviewed about social illiteracy:
Well, I mean yes, I do believe there is an
element of social illiteracy in my interactions, I think I am probably one of
the few who is conscious of it. Most people around me are socially illiterate,
no doubt. If there was a world ranking for it, like there is for math and
science, I think I’d rank in the lower half of the table slightly ahead of Hitler
but probably behind Ghadafi.
Q:
But how is that a problem?
Well, it’s not if you don’t care.
Q:
But doesn’t that affect the quality of relationships and friendships?
It does but again if you’re comfortable
with less quality and depth in your interactions you’re fine. You CAN tweet your way into or out of
relationships, you can remotely “poke” and virtually “like”. What’s wrong with
that? I had an entire relationship based on electronic emoticons. And then I
deleted myself and blocked her, or the other way around, don’t quite remember
now. I was really sad. I used the crying icon to convey my feelings.
Q:
Do you like frogs?
Yes, I do
Q:
Have you ever kissed one?
Yes, by accident
Q:
What did it taste like?
Chicken
Q:
Have you ever kissed a chicken?
Well, yes, but again by accident
Q:
And the taste?
Surprisingly, not like chicken
Q: Do you think
life has meaning?
I am sure it does, but I’m still looking
for the dictionary that has the definition. Right now it’s all Chinese to me.
And I don’t mean the simplified version.
...To be continued
