The Name Is Bond…Jane Bond. And She Is a Lesbian.

Jane Bond...has the world shaken and stirred

She is sleek, she is chic. She is a cold hearted cold blooded spy-assassin. She is not a Thespian, but she is most definitely a lesbian. A lipstick lesbian.

A few days ago I was watching a very interesting documentary on Ian Fleming and how James Bond became the character and the movie franchise we all know and some of us love so much. In James Bond Fleming had incorporated his own alter ego, turning him into an ultimate “heterosexual adult male, not for school kids”. He believed that the world of tomorrow would see many villains who want to single-handedly destroy the world and a strong man with the wits and strengths of a spy and cold blooded ruthlessness of a killer would be needed to keep the world going to hell in a hand basket.

Even though many of the elements of the Cold War and conflict have changed since Fleming’s 1940s, many also remain as present as ever. But one thing Fleming could have not foreseen was the extent to which mores and ethos of societies, particularly in the Western World, would change. 

From the feminist movement and the sexual revolution all the way to the identity politics of gay rights and ethnic minority rights the world is no longer enough. Bond has managed to re-invent himself in the post-cold war era but I have a feeling the end of Bond as we know him is near. The original vision of Fleming for Bond as a quintessential heterosexual male is under threat more than ever. Who is to say, after all, that only a man can save the world? Why can’t a woman live and let die? Why can’t a bi-sexual man be the spy who loved (someone!) and on what basis shouldn’t a lesbian Bond be the one trying to save the planet so that tomorrow never dies? And what about Octopussy? Frankly, I never figured that one out!

I can already see the next generation of Bond being under review and meticulous re-design. The new Bond will be a lesbian female, against the use of force with a Starbucks membership and a well groomed poodle by her side. She believes in dialogue and understanding and buys her accessories from Michael Kors. She doesn’t speak a language other than English, but she is internet savvy and uses google translate to do her spy work. She definitely needs her weekends to herself and reaches an agreement with the most notorious terrorists on the planet not to attack and destroy the Earth on a Saturday or Sunday. She’s classy, one may say even sassy but she refuses to name her dog Lassie (too old school for her). She is witty and tries not to place herself near any explosive devices. She is not a pacifist, but she truly believes stopping villains shouldn’t require hand to hand combat or harsh interrogation tactics, given advances in science and technology. 

Wouldn’t that be something different? A Bond who is neither a misogynist nor a chauvinist? A Bond in high heels and with highlights who tries to put the terrorists in touch with their feminine side. A bond who is not only a bomb expert, but also a bombshell. 

This antithesis to Ian Fleming’s vision and imagination would be the natural outcome of a world that gradually defines and has defined not only concepts of bravery and dedication but also gender roles and, for that matter, gender itself. This new character has no penis envy. She actually has no penis. But as different, radically different, this new version of Bond may be she has two things in common with Fleming’s Bond: She never says never to a good fight, and when all is said and done, she always, always gets the girl.

Oh! Jane…