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| These meatballs are harder to digest than your proposal |
Since the beginning
of time men have tried to one-up each other when it comes to capturing the
heart of their beloved. From romantic clichés of proposing in Paris on top of
Eiffel Tower to popping the question while on a Safari in Africa, men have
tried and women have rejoiced in recounting the story to their female friends:
“Oh, he was so nervous, it was so romantic; he’d been acting very suspicious for
a couple of days, I knew there was something off; he wasn't himself;
he knelt down in front of me with a diamond ring in hand…; it was beautiful, it
was wonderful, delightful, delirious, delectable, delovely”.
Well, who
knows, maybe this is an important gesture, we can’t really know for sure. But
just in case it is, I think I've just came up with one of the most
original proposals in the history of mankind (as in man-kind). Whereas common
sense and wisdom points to a unique act of over-the-top romantic significance,
I thought maybe one should look for the most common, least unique experience.
Hence, the idea of proposing at an IKEA restaurant. You’re probably thinking
“poppycock, this is an awful idea; she’ll kill me if I ever did something like
that”. I cannot guarantee there won’t be an attempt on your life but I assure
you the idea is worth exploring.
Just
think about it. First of all, you are taking her to a chain furniture store;
the last thing she’d expect is a proposal. Therefore, you manage to surprise
her (check mark). As you’re walking through the maze-like path inside the store
you can pause in the bedroom section and say something like “I can’t wait til
we put our bed together, look we can add a Vejmon side table for $2.99”. She’ll be a bit
disoriented; first because she expects the bed to be bought from a more
reputable place and two, she assumes you’ll be putting the bed frame together
while she caresses the duvet covers; and third, a side table for $2.99? What
the hell is that? What is it made of? Cardboard?!
Regardless,
you have managed to somewhat puzzle her so the element of shock will be even
stronger when she hears the proposal. Then, as you go through kids section you
can drop a Woody Allen-like comment such as “let’s have three kids honey, one
of each sex”. She’ll laugh but deep down she is confused which means you’ll
have a better chance of getting a positive response before she comes to her
senses.
Then, the
master piece, the coup de grâce if you will. You take her to the
infamous IKEA restaurant and choose the best deal on the menu (usually Swedish
meatballs with side of vegetables for $5.99). Go wild, I mean after all how
many times does a man get to propose to the love of his life? Two, three, four
times max? Add a side of vegetable for extra $1.29. You don’t need to go crazy,
just one side for both of you, you can say something like “I’m getting one
because I want to share everything in my life with you”. Then, you sit down and
look into her eyes from across the table. As you’re applying the tomato sauce
to your meatballs (and maintaining your eye contact with her) you pop the
question: “You know honey, everyone always wants to choose a unique place, a
“this is me” location for the most important moment of his life. But I wanted
to do something different and choose a “this is not me” place to express how I
feel about you; and I think nothing does that better than this setting, in the
midst of these cold Scandinavian designed tables, minimalist and impersonal,
Bergmanesque and suicidal. Oh, darling, let me be the one putting together your
bed and reading the assembly instruction for your cabinets; let me be the one
pulling out the sofa bed and wonder what all those extra screws are for. Oh
darling, (use a 1930s movie for proper intonation for the following sentence) I
love you, you know I do. Will you marry me, oh darling will you, will
you?
Remember,
you never stop enjoying your meatballs throughout the whole ordeal. It’s
actually not that bad for a furniture store.
At this
point a couple of things will have happened. She has gotten up and thrown the
tray in your face while swearing at you for being cheap and pathetic (obviously
she hasn't seen the bigger picture here). Or, she was so dumb-founded
by what has just transpired that she said yes while trying to digest the events
of the evening (and the meatballs).
What you
have done here, she’ll realize soon enough, is your ingenious idea of
choosing a franchise, a place with many branches across the world to propose in
order to be reminded of your affection for each other in any country, and soon
enough, every city on the planet you go to. There is one Eiffel tower, one
Sagrada Famila, one tower of London, but there are hundreds of IKEAs all over
the world. No matter where you go, there is a branch that will remind you of
how much you love each other, there are, in other words, hundreds of places
where you made your proposal.
And when
you think about it (unless you prefer not to) what better place to express your
love than a furniture store where you are asked to put the pieces of something
together? You are putting together a common future (albeit without a guidebook)
with many pieces that don’t quite fit and are mostly assembled wrong; but
through repeated efforts and couple of broken legs and chipped exteriors you’ll
manage to live together happily ever after. Isn't that worth taking a
risk and proposing in the restaurant of a furniture store? If it isn't, then I
don’t know what is.
Good
luck.
