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| Live Free Range Or Die Hard |
Having
solved all the significant issues facing our world, issues such as racism, ethnic
cleansing, child labour, child soldiers, poverty and sexual slavery of helpless
young girls, I decided to focus my attention on improving my dietary intake. After
all, what better way to say I care about our planet than to say I want my food to
be organic; not for selfish reasons, but because of the benefits it presents to
the carrots and radishes inhabiting our planet and their right to grow under
humane conditions. I myself had refused to accept, for the longest time, the
wholesale massacre of vegetables under the banner of vegetarianism. I refused
the word organic describing food since I assumed anything I eat would be, by definition,
organic, which is why I eat it, and not synthetic, which is usually what I
wear. However, with the advent of Obama and the coalition of hope I decided to
reconsider my rigid and dogmatic view of the world and read more about
healthier lifestyle: less fat, more exercise, and so on.
One of the
topics that truly captured my imagination was the issue of free range animal
husbandry. At first I thought this is another alternative life style where one,
after a certain period of courtship, takes a chicken or a rooster as spouse. The
mechanics of such a relationship didn’t quite make sense to me but I kept my mouth
shut since I did not want to be accused of bigotry. After all, who am I to judge?
It wasn`t until sometime later when I realized I was reading about how
chickens, eggs, and livestock in general are taken care of and produced for the
purpose of human consumption. But as I read more and more I came to a
radical and eye opening realization: that I am not free range. So I asked
myself, isn’t it hypocritical for me to expect the animal I eat to have a
better lifestyle than me?
You may ask,
what do you mean? This doesn’t make sense. Well, let me explain. The definition
of free range, to be clear, is: “a method of farming husbandry where the animals
can roam freely for food, rather than being confined in an enclosure. On many
farms, the outdoors ranging area is fenced, thereby technically making this an
enclosure, however, free range systems usually offer the opportunity for
extensive locomotion and sunlight prevented by indoor housing systems”.
Well, are
we, these dwellers of modern urban landscape, buried in our iPods, iPads, iMacs
and other iCraps, truly roaming free? Do we see enough sunlight? Do we even
notice the sun when we’re outside typing on our virtual keyboard searching for
the weather condition as we are soaked wet under the pouring rain? Do we have a
big enough enclosure within our cubicles, cars, local buses and subways
breathing air conditioned air and observing the world under a neon light through
a window, whether made of glass or version 8? Do we, these Pub inhabiting,
sports-watching, video-game-in-the-basement-playing global villagers have a big
enough space and a wide enough fence enclosure to roam? Would we be able to lay
eggs that a free-range-chicken buys? Do we have tenderloins tender enough for a
cow to buy on its local super market, preferably at full price and without a
coupon? If the roles were reversed, would Donald Duck, as the inspector of
organic human farms, certify us as organic, with no anti-biotic residue and
chemical free? Would Donald approve our life style as stress free lives in
green pastures with enough sunlight to brighten our days and pleasant enough to
force us to take the drastic and dramatic step of saying hi to a stranger in
the elevator? Would Donald, certify us as free range?
In all
fairness, I do think of myself as a tender, somewhat delicious man, but I am
not sure if I would pass this test. The fact is, I am not free range. I can
only dream of being in such a farm, roaming freely with chickens and cows in
peace and harmony. What would life be like with such freedom? How would I
interact with my fellow free rangers? Would free love rule the farm? Would cows
and chickens be able to discuss human condition? Would they be able to lead
normal lives and date and form a family? If a chicken and a cow met, would they
be able to date and form a family? Would their kids be shunned by the larger
free range community because of their mixed background? Would their relationship
be considered a lesbian relationship and would they avoid discussing the day when
they will be on the McDonald’s menu list?
The fact is
we will never know, and most of these questions are irrelevant to the original
question anyway. But one thing we do know is we have a long way to go to reach
the type of living standards we promote for our livestock. I am free, but not
within range. And maybe that’s the safest way to live.
