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| Hey! I'm right here right by Vladimir Knight Statue |
As I start crossing the corridor that separates the warring
factions I have a grin on my face; kind of laughing at how I got here; I mean
quite literally here, in Kiev, Ukraine, about to meet someone for the first
time.
I was about to go on a long awaited vacation for some quite
time and soul searching when my phone rang. It was one of the contractor’s in
our office,
"Pedram, do you mind if I talk to you?”, in a strong but
sweet Russian accent
“Of course”. Is everything OK?”
“Oh, yes, everything ok. Just want to speak to you in
private about something”
“OK, just give me a few minutes and I meet you in the
conference room”.
I assumed the worst. I had hired him almost a year ago and
was a very technically strong resource whom I feared was about to quit at the
worst possible time. I meet him in the conference room. We both sit down and he
starts to talk,
“You have to forgive me Pedram, I really hope I am not out
of place saying this but I’ve worked with you for almost a year and I really
feel like you are also my friend”
“No worries, and thank you for trusting me so much but give
it to me straight, you’re about to quit aren’t you?
“Quit? Oh, no! you have this all wrong! It is not about that
at all”
Relieved I sigh out loud and say, “thank God, because this
would have been the worst time. So what is it?”
“Well, that’s why I had to apologise first. I found out you
were going to Kiev and my wife knows this absolutely wonderful, sweet, beautiful
woman whom she’s known since high school and I wanted to see if you’d be OK
meeting with her while you’re there”
I was surprised. To be honest I was shocked. I thought, “am
I getting to the point that random people now approach me and want to set me up
with their friends and colleagues?” So I said, “Vladimir, this is really quite
nice of you but I really think this is not the best idea”
“No, no just listen. I won’t even ask what happened there,
it is completely up to you. I won’t be so presumptuous as to think you will discuss
meeting her. I just think, well, to be honest I was surprised you were not
married; I mean you are such a gentleman. Since my wife met you at the office Christmas
party she is constantly asking me if you are with someone. So, I only say this
as a colleague and hopefully a friend, that this may be worth one hour of your
time while you’re in Kiev”
I tried to be non-committal and left the meeting somewhat
amused. I was thinking the only one at this point who hasn’t tried to set me up
with someone is Kim Jung Un, and that, for obvious reasons (I think).
So a few days go by and all of a sudden I get a message from
Vladimir in my gmail account with a few pictures of his wife’s friend. I took a
look and my first reaction was: “Wow! There is definitely a situation there in
Easter Europe and European Union expansion into a former Soviet republic can
undoubtedly have a negative impact on East-West relations” (as you can imagine,
this is not really what I thought but to keep things clean let’s say that’s
what went though my mind).
I thought to myself, “hmmm! well, how bad can it be? I mean
I’ve experienced dating Persian girls with their check lists, their “don’t let
anyone see us’s”, “I may be with you but no one should know’s”, and ‘’it’s not
me, it’s you’s’’ (side note: everyone knows); White girls with their baggage
from previous break-ups enough to keep a fully automated airport baggage handling
system busy for days, and their ‘’it’s not you, it’s me’s’’ (my advice: get
over it); Asian girls and their confusion about cross-ethnic dating, their
‘’it’s not me and it’s not you, I don’t know what this means’s”, and their
obsession with cartoon inspired accessories AT FORTY! (news flash: really not
cute when you’re past sixteen). So, how bad this idea can be? Really! It can’t
possibly be worse. As a matter of fact, I am positive it won’t be worse.
A couple of days later I asked Vladimir to give me her
contact details. Just before leaving for Kiev I messaged her to set a date to meet
up. She replied back with her personal phone number and the suggested venue and
then I suggested the day and time.
Three weeks go by and I am almost at the end of my vacation.
A few days before leaving for Toronto, I get ready to meet her. As I am about
to leave the hotel room I turn on the TV and hear that police in Kiev is
expecting demonstrations in the streets near downtown between pro-Russian and
Ukrainian rival factions. I pause for a few seconds thinking this may be my
queue to cancel the whole thing. Surprisingly, I get a message from her at the
exact same time asking if I still want to meet as the city may be a bit tense.
All my doubts go away. I text back that I’d be there as agreed. I mean, let’s
be honest, I went to Iran and got arrested by morality police four times and
survived, so dating under extreme circumstances isn’t exactly alien to me.
I leave the hotel room and take a cab to the address where we
were supposed to meet.
As I start to look around for the coffee shop in question I
can hear the shouting and yelling of the crowd as the two sides start
converging towards the same point with some swinging batons and sticks in the
air. The police form two parallel human walls on the two sides of the
intersection to keep the demonstrators from getting into an all out war. I
start stepping back towards the wall about 30 yards away from the pro-Russian
demonstrators. There is a big round-about in the middle of intersection with water fountains still shooting up in
the air. It is getting a bit breezy. It is 7 PM, cloudy and fumes from
canisters making the visibility harder. I move a bit further to my left to get
a clearer view of the coffee shops across the expansive, eight lane street.
All of a sudden, I see Lyuda waving at me from afar and
pointing to her cell phone. I look at my phone and realize that because of the
noise and mayhem around me I’d missed 6 calls from her. I try calling back but
can’t place a call, all the lines are busy. So I text her, “I am coming
across”. At this point, I hear a couple of gunshots and I duck instinctively.
The police are really pushing back hard to keep the demonstrators from invading
the square. She texts back,
“Are you sure? I am used to this but it may be dangerous for
you. I mean specially because you don’t look Russian and there are gun shots
and bullets flying around”
I keep silent for a couple of seconds and the first thing
that comes out of my mouth is, “I dated Persian girls”
She responds, “Oh! OK. You should be OK then”
So I wait for a few seconds to make sure I can make it
across the round about in a quick dash. I make a run for it and in the process
I am pretty sure I beat the 50-yard Olympic record, if there was one. As I begin
to run all my previous dates and set ups begin to flash before my eyes: the
woman who was going over a questionnaire on our first date; the one who said I
was too nice to be genuine; the one who wanted an open relationship; the narcissist;
the femme fatale;... (at this point you are thinking, “boy he knows how to pick
them!”)
As I get closer to the other side I slow down. She walks up
to me laughing,
“This is quite a first meeting!”
“You’re telling me!” I say as I try to catch my breath
“So should we go in?”
“Absolutely…”
The Police were beginning to take control of the square and
the fumes were beginning to clear up. There were still sporadic aerial gunshots
being heard but the worst seemed to have been over.
As our encounter continued I couldn’t help but think about
the many perils of modern day dating, particularly in the current geo-political
environment. There are many reasons why finding your perfect match is more
difficult now than before: climate change, Guantanamo and ISIL to name a few.
But despite all these challenges one can always have hope for a better future,
not so much for others but for oneself.
I just hope everything is resolved before I have to appeal
to Kim Jung Un’s good senses.
